Afsana Chowdury | March 24, 2025 | Divorce
Being married to a narcissist is challenging. Divorcing a narcissist is even more difficult. Going through a divorce can be stressful. You must address numerous issues, including child custody, spousal support, child support, and property division.
When a narcissist goes through a divorce, they put themselves first. That can complicate negotiations for a divorce settlement. A narcissist will do everything to “win” the divorce because they view it as a competition. Therefore, understanding how to divorce a narcissist can help you prepare for dealing with a narcissist and divorce.
What to Expect From a Narcissistic Spouse During a Divorce in Virginia?
The process of divorcing a narcissist is basically the same as with all other divorces. The thing that makes this kind of divorce different is that you are dealing with someone who is entirely selfish.
Some things to expect during your divorce with a narcissist include:
Your Spouse May Create Drama
A narcissist’s need for attention means they create drama. The desire to win at all costs means there is nothing beneath them. You are likely facing a high-drama divorce because nothing creates more drama in a divorce than conflict.
A narcissist cannot admit they are wrong. It is always someone else’s fault. Therefore, you will be accused of breaking up the marriage because you are the only one who ever did anything wrong. A narcissistic spouse may involve family and friends as they try to get them on “their side” by telling them what you did wrong.
Expect Your Children to Be Used as Pawns
A narcissist will do whatever is necessary to “beat you” in a divorce case, including hurting your children. They may engage in parental alienation to try to turn your kids against you. It would not be beyond them to accuse you of child abuse, neglect, and other acts to allege you are an unfit parent.
Remember, a narcissistic spouse is not interested in the best interest of the children. They only care about their best interest.
Your Divorce Is Likely to Be a Long Process
A narcissist generally won’t be willing to resolve conflicts through mediation and negotiation. They are not interested in someone else’s point of view or what is fair. For that reason, divorcing a narcissist often involves litigation.
Narcissists do not get over or forget anything they perceive as a wrong done to them. Even if your spouse has a new partner or initiated the divorce, you may be a reminder for them of something that failed. Therefore, they punish you by dragging out the divorce.
Tips for Divorcing a Narcissistic Spouse
Do not approach a divorce involving a narcissist like you would any other divorce. You should not expect your spouse to work with you to negotiate a fair parenting plan or time-sharing arrangement. They will likely fight you on every issue in your divorce, including alimony and property division.
Useful tips for divorcing a narcissist include:
Hire an Experienced Divorce Lawyer
Hire a divorce attorney with experience handling divorces involving narcissists as soon as possible. You need legal counsel immediately to develop a strategy for dealing with your spouse. An experienced attorney understands what is involved in divorcing a narcissist and can help you minimize the conflict when possible.
Keep Detailed Records
Narcissists frequently lie, and they are usually good at it. Keep detailed records and document everything. If possible, make copies of important documents before you file for divorce. Detailed records can help you expose your spouse’s lies.
Keep copies of all communication with your spouse. Whenever possible, use drama-free forms of communication, including email and text messages. Avoid the desire to respond to your spouse’s narcissistic comments and gaslighting with aggression, defensiveness, or sarcasm.
Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries
A narcissist will plow over their spouse. Therefore, you need to set and maintain boundaries. Do not allow your spouse’s constant texts or calls to disrupt your life. Respond timely, but not necessarily immediately.
Do not allow your spouse to invade your time with your children constantly. If this continues, talk with your lawyer about including language in the order limiting calls and/or texts with the children each day.
Consider Counseling for Your Children
Your children may benefit from counseling during and after the divorce. A counselor can spot signs of parental alienation and other problems.
Unfortunately, a narcissistic parent will lie to their children to get them on “their side.” Your children may be told outrageous lies. In standard divorces, parents are encouraged not to talk to their children about their other parent and the divorce.
However, divorcing a narcissist may require you to discuss various matters with your children. A counselor can help you talk with your children about what is happening, including your side.
Contact The Divorce Law Firm of Law Office of Afsana Chowdhury, PLC in Fairfax, VA.
For more information, please contact an experienced divorce lawyer at Law Office of Afsana Chowdhury, PLC to schedule an initial consultation today. Our law office is located in Fairfax, VA.
We proudly serve Fairfax, VA, and its surrounding areas.
Law Office of Afsana Chowdhury
10805 Main St STE 700A, Fairfax, VA 22030
(703) 271-6519
