Afsana Chowdhury | June 30, 2025 | Family Law
Going through a divorce or separation is never simple, but it can feel impossible if your spouse is a narcissist. It’s common for people with narcissistic traits or a full-blown personality disorder to attempt to charm others. It often works, too. They’re great at garnering sympathy and making others look like the villains.
An important strategy to consider during divorce proceedings is to find a way to show who your spouse is behind that mask of superficial charm. Achieving this can be a challenge, so you need strategies you can rely on to help yourself through the process.
Learn more about how to get a narcissist to reveal themselves, whether you’re getting a divorce or pursuing a separation agreement.
Understanding Narcissism
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that impacts a person’s sense of self-esteem. This disorder leads people to have an excessive need to impress others. People with this condition have a grandiose sense of self-importance and believe they are superior to those around them. They may experience frequent envy and display a lack of empathy.
Narcissists are very skilled at appearing charming and at manipulating people, even in subtle ways. A common tactic they rely on is making themselves seem to be victims. They twist facts to suit their needs, and that can be disastrous when going through a divorce or child custody issues.
Strategies To Get a Narcissist To Reveal Themselves
When beginning any type of legal process against a narcissist, some tips can help you reveal who they really are:
Expose Their Rage
Going to a lawyer and telling them your spouse is a narcissist is not a good idea. There’s a good chance the attorney has heard that many times before. Instead, you should try to prompt your spouse to act as they do with you. This typically means finding a way of exposing them in front of someone they want to impress.
Point out the kind of conduct you have experienced that has led you to turn to legal help. You can expect your partner to lie and try to make themselves the victim. Try to gather evidence to show that you’re telling the truth.
This will throw them off and allow their anger to seep through. Because they have a need to be admired, being exposed in front of lawyers or the court will often spark a serious reaction.
Don’t React
A narcissist will try to goad you into a reaction. They won’t attack you directly in front of others but will instead do everything they can to make you look irrational or put you in a bad light. If you become combative or emotional in reaction to their lies, it can look as if your partner is telling the truth.
Remain as calm as you can; this reaction will fluster them much more.
Stick to the Facts
You should not follow a narcissist’s example and lie about your partner’s behavior. Instead, present clear facts that demonstrate you’re telling the truth. A narcissist’s charms can only go so far if you have cold facts to show what really happened.
Seek Dependable Representation
If you’re going through any type of legal issue with a narcissistic partner, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is hire experienced legal counsel. You need guidance you can rely on as you navigate the challenges of butting heads with a narcissist.
With assistance, you can reveal the truth. For legal help and advice on dealing with a narcissist, contact Chowdhury Divorce Law Group. We offer a free consultation with a Fairfax family lawyer.
Contact The Divorce Law Firm of Chowdhury Divorce Law Group in Fairfax, VA
For more information, please contact an experienced family law attorney at Chowdhury Divorce Law Group to schedule an initial consultation today. Our law office is located in Fairfax, VA.
We proudly serve in Fairfax County and its surrounding areas:
Chowdhury Divorce Law Group
10805 Main St STE 700A
Fairfax, VA 22030
(703) 271-6519
Our firm is located near you. We have an office in Fairfax
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About The Author
Afsana Chowdhury is the founder of Chowdhury Divorce Law Group, where she is dedicated to protecting the rights of injury victims across Virginia. A George Mason University School of Law graduate, Afsana is licensed to practice in Virginia and has devoted her legal career to personal injury law. She focuses on helping clients, guiding them through divorce, custody disputes, and other complex family matters. With years of experience and a deep commitment to protecting her clients’ rights, she personally handles each case to ensure strong, focused representation.
Location: Fairfax, VA
